ABOUT
Rowan is nothing if not constantly stressed, between his own internal problems and the circumstances he's been placed into. Hanging around the group of people he does is its own special sort of nightmare, even if they weren't all homeless on top of it. Phoenix is the worst of them, Damien's tolerable, the only light in it all is Ally, but even then, there's still something always picking at the back of his brain all the time.
He would really rather not be here.
| Height: | 4'8" | Eyes: | Pink pupils |
| Build: | Below Average | Complexion: | Tan, usually |
| Hair Style: | Wavy mess | Hair Color: | Black, usually |
- Tends to always sit like this when not in a chair. He likes having his knees up with his arms sort of dangling over them.
- Never takes the necklace/choker off. Extremely picky with clothes, so he tends to always wear the same clothes and opts to just wash them (when he actually can that is)
- Pupils are ALWAYS hot pink, it is the only part of him that cannot be changed. He has no visible irises. His blood is also the same shade of pink and cannot be changed.
- Besides the pupils/blood, he can change any part of his body into whatever he wants, it'll always be organic somehow though and will always have visible eyes, so while he theoretically could become an object, it would always be unusually warm and have eyes somewhere.
- While the color of the pupils and his blood can't change, he can change the size and shape of them at will. So he could make them small enough to look like he has no pupils at all, or make his entire eye pink. He typically won't change the size though, since they still function to absorb light, meaning making them too small will make him near blind from darkness, and making them too large will essentially do the same but by making everything far too bright. He usually just lets them do whatever they do naturally, aside from changing the shape of them sometimes to emote.
- The form shown in his ref is the form he prefers to stay in. He prefers looking more human, but also likes to have some cat features since he dislikes speaking. The more he can emote non-verbally and without facial expressions, the better to him. He isn't against changing forms at all though, he does it pretty often, he just will always go back to that form instead of his actual true form. The only time he returns to his default form is if he's so beyond exhausted that he physically can't hold a different form, but E-Type shapeshifters use very little energy to keep other forms, which means this can basically only occur if he's extremely hurt, whether that be physically or emotionally.
PERSONALITY
Rowan is a very reserved person most of the time. He doesn't like to interact with most people at all, let alone talk to them. But unfortunately, he's aware that to an extent he has to in order to actually navigate the world. Doesn't mean he's going to enjoy doing it though. As a result, he tends to be extremely quiet most of the time, and will avoid talking as much as possible. He hates speaking when he can answer without doing so. He will only talk if he wants to say something that can only be done verbally. Writing is included in this dislike. He just sort of hates communicating with words. If he can answer someone by simply changing the shape of his pupils, he will. It's very common to see him turn his pupils into different symbols to signify how he's feeling or to respond instead. He'll use his tail and ears too, his face less so. He tends to always have the same stare no matter how he's feeling, anger and disgust being an exception
This amount of refusing to speak to people can and often does backfire however, his idea of 'relaxed' is skewed by how frequently stressed out he is. He's not even sure if he's ever actually felt relaxed in the same way other people use the term. He always looks like he's seconds away from shaking like a chihuahua. Everything is so loud and everything is irritating. But not having anything around at all is equally stressful. The city is a nightmare.
He has a deep-seated dislike for himself in many aspects. He dislikes being such an awkward mess, he dislikes being a shapeshifter, and he definitely dislikes the tiny thoughts nagging in the back of his head that maybe he's not straight. If anyone was gonna be the master of internalized-bigotry it'd be him. He's so far into the closet that he's about to reach Narnia if he goes any further. It's easier for him to accept the idea that maybe he doesn't like anybody at all than it is to accept he might like men. His dislike of being a shapeshifter comes from the behavior of others on Lynxon, especially in the country where the city he resides in is, and he takes it very much to heart. It won't stop him from using his abilities, if he has them he may as well, but he always hides his true form and will almost never revert back to it willingly. His eyes still usually give him away, but at least those who aren't paying much attention don't notice. At the root of all this self-hatred is his own connection to religion. Influenced onto him by his adoptive parents, he started with liking it, he liked feeling like he was in a community, and had a major interest in its history. But overtime it's warped more negatively, going from an interest to an obsession, and eventually a genuine phobia of 'sinning', mostly due to his parents treatment of him. He knows his behavior is illogical in the back of his mind, but it's hard to let go of the thoughts, resulting in a cycle of sudden outbursts fairly regularly and then badly-worded apologies later, rinse and repeat. Despite his aforementioned phobia, Rowan often still can't resist trying to have fun like he did when he was a little kid, which leads to a lot of internal conflict. It's one of the major sources of his constant stress, often doing things and then instantly regretting them, not helped by the fact that most churches within the city believe that he's the epitomy of deception purely for being a shapeshifter, If his own faith doesn't even want him, what can he do? How can avoid this fear when everything points toward him being the very poster child of it. He's basically gotten himself stuck into a hole of feeling "I'm too far gone, so why does it matter anymore" at the same time as "I need to fix everything about myself overnight", the conflicting ideas mostly just resulting in a stagnation of his behavior and constant stress. If he wasn't a shapeshifter, his hair would've been grey before he even reached 20 years old.
Bad experiences with mental wards as a teenager and young adult have led him to also have an extreme distrust in doctors, or any sort of 'public authority' really, as well as issues when things are too quiet or spaces that are too empty. Which feeds into his inability to communicate well to others and to try and improve himself. He can't fix his problems alone, but he's horrified to talk to people about anything relating to his personal life beyond a surface level. He's very thankful that his species can use their shapeshifting abilities to assist in healing most wounds, even if they can't simply 'shift' the wound away. He would sooner let himself die than set foot in a hospital of any kind again. He can manage it if he's simply visiting someone else in the hospital, but not without extra stress.
In the rare times where he isn't stressing over things (as much, that is), he's honestly still a bit mean to others. He projects his own issues onto others constantly, he can be selfish, and tries to redirect the blame away from himself whenever things go wrong, even if it was really his fault. It's not that he can't be nice, it's just that his personal moral code is very black and white, and those who start falling onto the 'bad side' of it become people that he feels are fair game to let all of his frustrations out on. Often the nicest thing he'll be doing is simply staying completely quiet. When someone is on his good side though, he likes to try and show that to them in small ways, but sometimes they can be too subtle to notice. He's horrific at keeping track of what people actually like usually, but he does like to give gifts every now and then, so often he will give things that he personally likes to those that he likes. They're not the most thoughtful presents in the world, but given the fact he usually isn't doing anything at all, and how he hates giving away 'his things', it can still stand out.
LIKES
- Ally
- Chocolate
- Cats
- Video Games
- Hugs, sort of
DISLIKES
- Phoenix
- Himself
- Rough textures
- Hospitals
- Emeralds
TRAITS
- Quiet
- Religious
- High-Strung
- Picky
- Jealous
TRIVIA
- Mistakenly diagnosed with schizophrenia as an 18 year old for his strange obsessions with religion that were mistaken for delusions and frequent catatonic behavior, it has never been corrected in any medical records of him that exist. He's really just autistic, has Hamartophobia (phobia of 'sinning'), alongside some other unknown issues that influenced that original conclusion.
- Struggles very deeply with internalized homophobia. Sometimes it becomes external, but only toward Phoenix specifically. He leaves most people alone, partly on the basis of his dislike of speaking, and because it mostly originates from his own personal phobia of 'sinning', he could (usually) care less if others are doing so, but these outbursts at Phoenix are mostly because he just despises Phoenix and will use nearly anything to yell at him. Very rarely he will have similar freak-outs toward Ally, but only when he's extremely stressed out, at a much lower level than he does to Phoenix, and he always feels horribly guilty afterward and apologizes profusely, even if not very well usually. He likes Ally so much it makes him paranoid.
- He really likes strong hugs, the pressure is nice, but he also dislike 90% of people touching him. Leads to him being conflicted a lot because he often wants them from people he likes, but doesn't want other people to ever touch him, so he keeps trying to keep up a claim that he hates them entirely.
- The orphanage Rowan came from is also the same one that Mary came from. But since he was adopted only a year or two after arriving, he was never around to witness all the shit that would ensue afterward, but he did experience similar bullying still and abuse from the staff. He doesn't really have many thoughts about the whole burning down in a fire thing, he was too busy having a terrible time in middle school at the time to really care. Though if it comes up in conversation somehow nowadays, he does feel some sadness for the kids that were claimed by the fire. On a deeper more guilty level, he kind of wishes he had been one of them.
SHORT BACKSTORY
Adopted around age 7 to very rich parents. Things weren't very great from the start, they weren't the kindest. After multiple problems with his mental health, Rowan would end up in and out of mental hospitals at the will of his parents for multiple years between his late teens to mid-twenties, until eventually, his parents grew tired of this and forcibly made him move out. Clueless about what he was meant to do next, Rowan could not find a job, nor a place to live, and ended up on the streets.
FULL BACKSTORY
Rowan grew up in a poorly ran orphanage, he was given up by his parents around age 3, and overall he doesn't really remember his time at the orphanage, other than that the older kids were very mean, and the adults weren't any better. Teasing from other kids and belittling from adults made him decide to stay in a more human form, as he grew to be ashamed of his normal form, not helped by the fact that the staff would begin to praise that, talking about how now "it would be much easier for someone to adopt you". They were correct, and at about 7 years old he was adopted by a rich family. They were never extremely nice, but they would still spoil him in other ways. They had tried to have their own kid and continuously failed, and in adopting Rowan they would pin a lot of hopes onto him, treating him more like a pet to train rather than a child. Raising him extremely christian and being very strict about it.
Despite being a bit emotionally detached, though still in part because of it, they tried their hardest to set Rowan up in the best school they could. The problem was keeping him in it. Rowan immediately struggled with most topics, especially math and science. The only one he seemed to be any good at was history, and even then, it would fluctuate depending on how interested he was in the current topic the class was on. While not terrible with his literature/language classes, he tended to refuse to cooperate in them, not wanting to write for the assignments despite understanding what he was reading rather fine. In all of his classes talking was also an issue, he often refused to speak no matter what, to his parent's frustration, because it was the polar opposite at home, where he would talk too much and ask too many questions at all times. Eventually in middle school, he finally was booted from the school for his grades, and his parents chose to hire someone to try and homeschool instead.
It worked marginally better, him feeling a little more comfortable at home, but still often refusing to speak, and not improving whatsoever when it came to math or science. His parents eventually grew tired of this, and would attempt disciplining him in more "threatening" ways, utilizing the interest he'd started growing about their religion against him often. It didn't work in making him "behave", but it work in making him terrified, only making things worse. Eventually they would bring him to psychiatrist, and with Rowan refusing to speak still despite being 15 by now, all they had to go off was his parent's poor description of his mannerisms, and he was incorrectly diagnosed with childhood schizophrenia.
After this incorrect diagnosis, his parents took it awfully, especially since during the same session, the psychiatrist had pointed out the fact he was shapeshifter, something that the orphanage had never informed them of, and that they had never figured out themselves due to having not grown up on Lynxon themselves. There were so many humans with strange eye colors there, they hadn't thought anything of his strange colored pupils. Feeling as though he must have been some sort of "punishment" to them, they only pressed harder with their attempts to terrify him into being a "good child", and when he would begin refusing the medication that was prescribed to him, they eventually brought him to a mental hospital.
The city he resided in was considered notably terrible for the treatment of mental health by the rest of the country, and it was no different in his experience. He would go in and out of them, sometimes the same place, sometimes different ones, but none of them much better than the others. This would go on for awhile, as long as his parents could convince places to take him in. Until eventually they got sick of the time being wasted just for nothing to ever change, and the next time he finally returned home, they promptly told him that he had to move out, and forced him to leave. They would provide him his important documents at the least, but nothing else, not even money, and changed all the locks and moved the spare keys. He would keep visiting the house and banging on the door crying for multiple days, until eventually they threatened getting police involved, and he finally left.
Without the last few years of school, and getting stuck in and out of places that told him nothing about handling the world, he had no idea what to do. He tried getting jobs, most would reject him, those that did accept him would drop him rather quickly after he'd have issues interacting properly with customers and coworkers, it wasn't like he hadn't tried, he'd known he was lacking in his will to talk to people, so he tried changing his form to have more cat-like features to attempt communicating better without having to speak as often, but it wasn't enough. He kept the appearance even after all these failed attempts, he'd wanted to stop being entirely human-looking anyway, now that it didn't seem to matter. Being unable to hold a job, he had nowhere to go, and ended up on the street like many others in the city. After everything, his mental health would only decline further, struggling to even want to bother doing anything at all.
Eventually one day he was sleeping in an alley during the middle of the day, and two strangers woke him as they entered the same alley. He panicked at first, having mostly avoided people on the street as best he could, but they weren't there to hurt him, as it turned out, he was just sleeping where they also would tend to hide out. One of them was human, the other reminding him somewhat of his own appearance, except with bird features instead of cat ones. They introduced themselves as Ally and Phoenix, respectively. Phoenix was rather rude, expressing frustration over the situation of someone else being in "their spot", but Ally was much more sympathetic, asking if Rowan was in the same situation as them and offering for him to stick alongside them, much to Phoenix's annoyance. Rowan was nervous, but it was better than being alone, and Ally's words felt like such a relief after years of overwhelming stress. So he stuck around with them. Eventually they would add another to their group, a opossum anthro named Damien. Damien doesn't really seem to care for anyone there, except Ally. The feeling is mutual for Rowan.
CurrentIt's been the 4 of them for some years now, and the group has generally grown closer, but not necessarily because they like eachother. The only connecting link most of them have is that they all care about Ally, and that they don't want to be on the street alone. So while the group is constantly bickering, they refuse to leave eachother and will still...generally help eachother out. Caring for Ally unfortunately means caring about what happens to the other 2 as well. Rowan doesn't follow this as much as the others. He can tolerate Damien, but sometimes he reminds him of his mother. Phoenix he can't stand though, he wouldn't ever attempt physically fighting him, he knows he'd lose, but he does antagonize him frequently, seeing how far he can go and then backing off somehow when it escalates. This upsets Ally, so he tries to not do it too often, but it is still pretty often. The group mostly relies on Ally for money, being the only one with a job, even if it's very cheap. It let's them all wash their clothes and eat, sometimes if theyre lucky they can buy new clothes, if theyre REALLY lucky they'll be able to afford a cheap hotel or motel for the night. They don't have a lot of time nor the money for going out to more interesting places, but they do still attempt to every now and then.
With time, Rowan has started to realize that he cares way more for Ally than anybody else he's ever been around, he mistakes it for friendship at first, up until his thoughts would shift further away from the platonic side of things. This makes him extremely anxious, all the things his parents would say to him led to him being horrified of many innocuous things, the idea of being gay included. It makes him scared and conflicted, wanting to be closer to Ally but also wanting to stay away. His strange way of handling it seeming to be by being both possessive and distant at the same time. He couldn't stand Phoenix from the start, and he can stand him even less now, seeing how terrible of a boyfriend he's been to Ally.
BODY
| Strength | |
| Energy | |
| Dexterity | |
| Health | |
| Beauty | |
| Style | |
| Hygiene |
SKILLS
| Perception | |
| Communication | |
| Persuasion | |
| Mediation | |
| Literacy | |
| Creativity | |
| Cooking |
| Tech Savvy | |
| Combat | |
| Survival | |
| Stealth | |
| Street Smart | |
| Seduction | |
| Luck |
MIND/SOCIAL
| Intelligence | |
| Happiness | |
| Spirituality | |
| Confidence | |
| Humor | |
| Anxiety | |
| Patience |
| Passion | |
| Charisma | |
| Empathy | |
| Generosity | |
| Wealth | |
| Aggression | |
| Libido |
BELIEFS
| Higher Power | |
| Magic | |
| Destiny | |
| Soulmates | |
| Good/Evil | |
| Luck |
PRIORITIES
| Family | |
| Friends | |
| Love | |
| Health | |
| Praise | |
| Justice | |
| Truth | |
| Power | |
| Fame | |
| Wealth | |
| Other's Opinions |
Rowan really really likes Ally, he hadn't had any actual friends for most of his life, just people he would sometimes be okay speaking to for a little bit. Ally is the first person who's seemed like they actually care about him, and that's intoxicating. But Rowan has very bad religious trauma, and the fact these feelings have just gotten stronger and stronger has begun to stress him out. He wants to be around Ally, but if he's too close for too long he feels anxious. There's no winning.
Rowan cannot stand Phoenix whatsoever. He hates how nasty is it all the time to everyone except Ally, but even then he's still not very good to them either. It pisses Rowan off to no end that Phoenix is dating Ally and treats them the way he does. Sure, he's not going to admit he likes Ally to himself, but he still feels that jealousy anyway, and he can't stand it. He'll take any chance to make a jab at Phoenix, including abusing Phoenix's own phobia of cats via using his shapeshifting abilities to become a cat completely. If Rowan isn't staring at Ally, he's usually glaring daggers into Phoenix.
Damien is sort of a nothing guy to Rowan. He doesn't hate him, but he doesn't like him either. Damien is arguably the most well-adjusted of the group, but his tendency to scold everyone like children bothers Rowan. Especially since Rowan is not safe from it in the slightest. Damien will often call him a brat, and get frustrated at his lackluster social skills. Despite this though, Damien isn't usually to setting out to hurt him, just frustrated that nothing is ever improving with any of them, and Rowan can understand that on some level. He wouldn't call Damien a friend, but he's not going to drive him away either.
Rowan doesn't really know Mary at all. He might recognize her a little if they met, but he wouldn't know from where. They went to same orphanage. They never really spoke much, Rowan was just one of the few people that didn't pick on her or try to provoke her on purpose. Mary teased him once or twice, but quickly lost interest when he wouldn't respond. Like most others who left the orphanage before the fire, he has no idea that she was the one who did it. He didn't think much about the news when he heard about it as a kid, he was too busy being stressed about school and his parents. But nowadays, he feels bad for the kids the fire claimed. And more guiltily; somewhat wishes he had been part of them.
