Ah fuck thats right, I have a blog.

02/12/2023 - 1:04 AM EST

Mood: Tired
Drinking: Coca Cola
Eating: n/a
Listening: Tommy Boy - Kid Smoko (+ Other songs)

Oooh look at me I remembered to update this blog. Fun. Stuff has been going alright since my last entry. Moving hasn't been very bad at all (but with my track record I'm sure some hidden issue will make itself noticeable as a long term effect), we almost have everything from the old house over into the new one. Just one more trip I think. Then I can relax, once I have all my things again. I feel kinda bad for having assumed that my dad would make me leave stuff behind at one point. It's very easy for me to think "oh yeah I'm pretty normal with my family, im just quiet is all" and then have a blunt reminder that I have some irrational fear of any familial 'superior', and it is pretty irrational, I've been very lucky in life to have a Dad that's so lenient with me even when I really deserve to have been actually punished for something. I don't know ANY other parents who are as loose as he is. But I still get super nervous anyway. I guess maybe partly because he's so nice it makes me worried that one day that patience will eventually run dry. And as much as I like to try my best to be independent, I really do rely on him heavily because I don't think i could live on my own anytime soon, and I'm not an easy person to take care of.

But anyway, that's sort of depressing. Other news, I have a job again, hopefully temporary since I still want to get a job working with animals really badly. But currently I'm working the deli section of a grocery store that happens to share a name with my last name xP a detail I normally wouldn't say but my last name is so common that even someone did figure it out, there's probably hundreds of other people with that last name in this state alone. It's not too bad, it's just cutting meat and cheese + serving some hot foods. I'm basically a lunch lady with extra steps. The hardest part is honestly just standing for 8 hours. I didn't have to stand as much at Dominos since I was doing delivery. And at my vet internship I was moving around so much that it kept my circulation going well. There's not as much room to pace around or things to do at the deli, so it's a lot of just standing in one spot. Speaking of vet though, hopefully around the spring I will have that animal job I want. I am extremely fortunate that my family is pretty large, all friendly with eachother, and have family friends in a lot of places. So if I'm lucky I'll have an in at a local vet clinic/pet daycare. I'm not sure if they're hiring vet assistants, and I'm not qualified to be a technician (yet, I want to be if I can, but I really think I'm going to need adhd meds to have any hope of vet tech classes.), but I'm satisfied with being a daycare attendent if it comes to that. My main goal to start with is to at least be working in contact with animals. It's the one thing where even when it gets exhausting its easy for me to keep going. I mean it must mean something that my forgetful ADHD ass managed to keep up visiting the shelter in new york to volunteer every single day, even without my meds.

Other events in life, I've got a new drawing tablet, and I've been really getting back into pokemon thanks to watching it with my friend Carmen, so I want to try and draw pokemon related stuff more often. But I think I may need a stand for the tablet, so that im not craning over it so much since it's a screen tablet. But yea, been watching a LOT of shows lately! Mostly with Carmen but also some other friends on discord. Pokemon, The Office, Poker Face, and most recently; Ninjago. All 4 are pretty great so far, Poker face is incredible and I'm SO glad it's weekly and not another show thats just dumped all at once. The Office is absolutely dated in parts, but honestly still funny overall. Pokemon is obvious how much I love it, and Ninjago is just a wild ride honestly. I'm really glad to be watching a lot of shows again, especially alongside other people. I love watching shows on my own, but I tend to lose track of where I am or just forget to continue. Also its just not as fun without another person around. I like to be able to joke about the stuff we watch while we watch it, it helps me remember things more and also is just plain old fun. In the past it was very hard to get people to watch a whole show with me. They'd either say no or it would be a wrestling match to get some people into the call. Sometimes people are just busy and that's totally fine, but it does suck to start something and then feel obligated to wait for everyone else to be ready just to continue. I can't be too mad, im the one who puts myself in these situations, but still.

Anyway, that's about it for tonight I think. I have other stuff i could probably talk about but, eh, most of it is venty and this is long enough. All I'll say is its been interesting lately. Been in a weird place mentally. I feel a lot better recently than I have the past few months, but at the same time I feel worse in other facets of my life. Anyway, if you're reading this and actually made it this far, tell me your favorite pokemon episode or movie in the chatbox on the site's front page! :3